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2010-11-29T07:38:00.000-08:00

Come back to Him...

          Let Him open your heart again...

Come and talk to me, Oh my dear child,

          Oh, how I love you.

How could I Lord, look at how I willingly stayed away?

           You are my child, I love you

Why do you do this for me, Lord?

            You are my child, I love you

I know all about your struggles and I still want you.

             Come and be with me.

Returning into His footsteps
Stephanie

Something is on its way...

2010-10-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

Something deep and philosophical...

But how to put it all into words...I don't know

I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, God put this so clearly on my heart to share and tell of His goodness but my mind goes blank when trying to express what I want to say.

Even when all that is out there seems to hurt you day in and day out, that hurt can never get to the core of who you are. The deepness of your soul.

THAT is where God is and we know that no one can ever hurt that part of you.

to be continued...

God not me...

2010-08-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

So I did something silly a while back and co-signed on a car loan for a friend. I like to help people but sometimes, even though I don't trust people, I like to think that I can trust and it will be alright. This didn't end up being alright BUUUUUT I live and learn and know not to do that again.

A short time after getting the loan she became delinquent on her payments. When she goes delinquent, it not only reflects on her credit but also on my credit. I was in such good standing with my credit and now it has really gone down and continues to because she is delinquent again. I kind of let it go and realize that this is not in my hands. If I should need anything, God will provide and a credit score will not be the ultimate determination if it is something that I really need.

So the other day I receive a text message from her wanting to know if she could ask me something. Uhh...well that's a loaded question. Sure...fire away! Now, mind you, she is currently delinquent 2 payments on the car loan and getting caught up with it. She wanted to know if I would co-sign on a $2,000 loan for her as she was needing some sort of surgery. She spent the rest of her money fixing her son's car. Uhhhh....what? I think we have a bad connection. You owe money from the loan I co-signed for and now you want me to co-sign for another loan? LOLOLOLOL! I was in shock and disbelief that she would ask me this. After calming down a bit, I talked to somebody who told me how to respond. So I did tell her no and that due to the delinquencies from the car loan, I doubt I would qualify to help her at this time even if I wanted to. She apologized for the late payment situation and understood. I decided to then ask her what the surgery was for. This is the kicker of it all. I know, I know, you would think that it was causing my credit to be bad, huh? Nope! Maybe that she would ask me to co-sign for a loan knowing that she is delinquent now? Nope! She wanted the money in order to get a boob job. I thought I was going to come unglued.

I don't tell you this as to make her a bad person. I am saying this because God turned this around. My frustration and my confoundedness was not shown but He confirmed to her what was right. I told her that she is silly for getting a boob job as she is fine just the way she is. Of course, most people are fine compared to me and are silly for wanting to get a boob job. haha! After I asked her if her boyfriend had the money and he said he didn't, (taking a big risk) I told her that it seemed it wasn't in God's plan for her to get a boob job. It was to her realization and confirmation that it was not His will for her to be doing this. Her reply was "no Steph, don't say that because I do believe you're right. It's not His will". So I finished it off and replied, "well, I don't think I would want to go against what God's will is for you then". She then thanked me.

God turned around something that could have gone so wrong with my words and what my thoughts were but He gave me the discernment of what to say and in a way that didn't make this a bad situation. Believe me, I did not want to be polite to her. I know I could have let all my politeness go and ask her what the heck she is thinking by going off and doing this when she in no way can afford to do so. Then, to see that my words made her realize, that to proceed with what she would do, would not be part of God's will amazed me. It was not me. He guided me the whole way, my thoughts, and my words that came out of my mouth. This would not have come out so nicely without Him in my thoughts. Then to have her thank me was really a topper.

I can always see how He works in the lives of others but I don't know when it comes to me. How awesome to see Him work through me and afterward know that it wasn't me but Him. It was a blessing for me. I don't know that she will continue this way but I know, at that moment, He used me to talk to her and it was a blessing. Remember, He is the one guiding us.

Thanking Him in the footsteps that He leads me.
Steph

p.s. yep, that's it! that's all it is. haha!

Share time

2010-08-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

I am not one that can always come up with something to share but I was reading something and wanted to share this with you as it can be such a pull in our lives at times.

Indwelling sin doesn't observe a sabbath. Just when Paul was ready to do something holy and loving, sin was at his elbow (Romans 7:21). Sin isn't just a permanent houseguest; it's a meddlesome wretch. It's always poking its nose in, looking over your shoulder, whispering in your ear.

Do you want to pray? Listen to a sermon? Meditate on the Word? Give a generous gift to the Kingdom? Encourage a brother? Resist temptation? This hateful, wicked pest is in your face with a thousand distractions and surprises making sure you can't perfectly accomplish the good you intend (verse 18; Gal. 5:17). It exasperates us.

Sin does its dirty work with the greatest of ease. Since it works from within, it "easily entangles" us (Hebrews 12:1). It needs no help from the outside (though the world and the Devil are always ready to lend a hand). There is no spiritual duty, nothing godly you can set yourself to, in which you won't feel the wind of sin's resistance in your face. Does God command you to believe he is good and wise when you lose a friend? Indwelling sin sidles up with seeds of doubt and mistrust. Does God command you to help a neighbor in need? There is sin with apathy and stinginess in hand. Does God want you to long for the coming of Christ? Here is sin dangling before your eyes the trinkets of the world.

The more you discover the power of indwelling sin, the less you will suffer its effects.

I think this reminds me so much of the struggle of the doubt I have and maybe others may have. That voice that is constantly nagging telling me different things about myself. About others. They don't like you. They don't care. She doesn't care and they don't want to do anything with you. Not good enough. It just wants to keep you in that spot so that you can't stretch. See what the Truth is. The hateful wicked pest is in your face and doesn't want to let you breathe. Be who you are and shine for the One who loves you through and through. Today, I see how this has entrapped me this past week. I discover the power of it and its effects that I can suffer. Today, I breathe a new breath in seeing Truth.

Remember He promises His presence to you at all times and He gives us His holy spirit to guide us. So easy to forget but such assurance knowing this.

Now let Your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me. Surround me with your tender mercies so I may live, for you law is my delight.

step by step

Stephanie

Mist so refreshing

2010-05-31T20:03:00.000-07:00

My eyes are opening...

Galatians 5:1

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Its been a journey over the last 6 months or so since I have fallen from my way of being in His guidance. The struggle of fighting the flesh back and forth. Wanting what is right, yet the urges of my own desires haunting me and following me close by trying to win me over. Logic coming in and making sense of what doesn't make sense. Whispering to me..."it's ok to do what you're doing. It's only bad because they don't understand." Mixed up by the actual truth! Confused by seduction of understanding of someone not of God. God was showing me but I was unable to see Him behind the fog.

I AM HE

The fog is becoming mist which is dissipating. The mist hitting my face refreshing me and bringing me back to the love God has for me. The mist being like verses and subtle blessings of love from others. To see and understand the sin behind all that happened. To see what had been pressing me down and keeping me a slave to something other than Him. God, in His infinite wisdom, never let me go and He knew it. Instead, allowed me to see things slowly. Letting me feel the pain so I could see Him more.

The more I walk through this, I see the hurt from the other side. Who the other person is really like apart from God. The emptiness and loneliness that is there and unable to fulfill. Something so real in my own life that I am oh so able to relate to. God reaching down to remind me to still love her but be consumed by Him. Show her MY love through you. It hurts but I am here.

RAIN DOWN ON ME

I turn around to be able to see that I can bless Him. Bless His Name for all that He is showing me and giving me. It IS a blessing because He reminded me of where I have been with my emptiness and the love that I couldn't feel but now feel with Him in my life. The easy sway of what takes me away from Him and seeing the seductor of Satan.

One footstep at a time

Steph

Peace in You

2010-05-25T23:05:00.000-07:00

Oh the hurts that come from those that are so close yet feel so far away. Tears roll down my face and I feel overwhelmed by the pain and conflicting thoughts that don't seem to be Yours. The pain that wants to suck me in. Amazing love. Lift my chin up to see You and I may bless You on the road that feels so narrow and alone. The knowledge of your peace in letting go makes my heart pound with urgency.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,

Till released from flesh and sin,

Yet from what I do inherit,

Here Thy praises I’ll begin;

Here I raise my Ebenezer;

Here by Thy great help I’ve come;

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,

Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood;

How His kindness yet pursues me

Mortal tongue can never tell,

Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me

I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,

I shall see Thy lovely face;

Clothed then in blood washed linen

How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;

Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,

Take my ransomed soul away;

Send thine angels now to carry

Me to realms of endless day.

Take me in so that I may see thy lovely face and praise thee evermore. Singing all the more as the days go by. You alone are God who will comfort all those who are heavy in heart.

Steph

Lost love in God..

2010-01-02T21:47:00.000-08:00

Here I am today feeling so lost with where I am with God. As I was talking with someone earlier, it is like the switch has been turned to "off" and everything is hard to get back on again. Now it's like I am in the dark looking for that switch to turn back on but I can't find it. Now it's been exchanged for a dimmer switch and it seems to gradually come back on. I know it was my doing that got me off the trail of God's ways but how I want so much to have that desire to see things as before.

I write this as a way to get out what hides within me. Hoping as to not be judged too harshly.

Love...

What is this?

People pass you by and say "hello" but do they really care?

Words that are so powerful to one but yet so empty by another. Words with really no meaning but can be out of obligation.

Do they really see you?
The pain and the hunger for love which burns inside my soul.

Love is from God...
God is love...

I stand here reaching out. Can you hear me?

Don't talk to me out of duty? That you feel that's what you have to do. You will only hurt me more.

Love is genuine which should not be flippant. So why do those act as if they love yet turn their backs from you?
Stand with you? Be with you forever? How do you do that by turning your back on me? I give to you from all my heart with no expectations.
May you give in love. Genuine love. Puts that smile on my face and warmth to my heart.

I fight this fight within my head struggling with this issue of trust with people and God. It drives me crazy that I can't just let it go and put my trust fully in God. To see that things aren't all untrustworthy and not meaning harm.

I read this a little while ago...
Oftentimes in our battle to trust we have to wrestle with the deepest, darkest, worst fears. We must wrestle them to the ground, and then we trust. If you can wrestle that fear to the ground and know that God is still there in the quietness of the dark, then you are on your way to trusting on a whole new level.
by Nicole Johnson

This is what I am looking forward to. As I wrestle with these deepest, darkest and worst fears to the ground, I want to know that God is still there in the quietness of the dark.

Finding His Footsteps
Steph

Here Am I

2009-12-01T18:55:00.000-08:00

Been struggling with a sin lately and realizing how much this has brought old feelings back up for me. Satan has been trying to take me back down that road of self-defeat. I was looking over some things I wrote and this helped me to see a God I need to see and feel back in my life.

Here Am I

By day, my head struggles knowing you are with me
While Satan is tugging at me every minute.
By night, my heart aches to feel You and tell me goodnight.
Here Am I

You know each tear that falls from my eyes
All You made in me is precious in Your sight.
Why do I not see that for myself?
Here Am I

I don’t say the right things
I don’t do the right things
How can you still love me?
Here Am I

Take my thoughts amuck and make them new;
Only of You
Give me peace, calming through and through
Here Am I

I am growing in You
You have shown me.
This is the Way
Here Am I

Hold me tight
Never let me go
You are my strength
Mine forever
Here Am I

May we remember God that never leaves us or forsakes us. Continues to gives grace even when we screw up worse than we will ever think.

Coming back into His Footsteps
Steph

Hope for what is not seen

2009-11-13T21:55:00.000-08:00

God gives us a verse in His Word that says to put our hope in what is unseen rather than the things that are seen. Boy, it is so much easier to put our hope in what is seen because if we do then we have an idea of what really is there. Put our hope in something that isn't there...not so much. Lately though, I have realized that the things that He brings us IS so worth the hope of waiting to see what He has for you in the midst of it all.

Romans 8:24-25

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not have yet, we wait for it patiently.

I know this hope is talking more of a hope for the coming of His glory but this also made me think of the things that He has in store for us here and now as we go through each day. We don't want to go through the motions of it all because of the hurt but out of that hurt comes a beauty of a friend, a bond of a child, a life changed you never thought would change. The hope that is unseen when we don't see the hope in it and feeling alone in the situation. Just when I was starting to feel the darkness closing in, He gave me hope through the light of His guiding hand. I am still walking in the midst of it at work, not sure if something will go wrong at any moment, but as He put light on my path and redirected my hope, my steps feel a little lighter.

What's the next trial God will give me or you? I don't know but where is your hope? The seen which may be disappointing because "been there done that" or the unseen which can open your eyes wide and bring joy to your heart.

Take a deep breath and hold on to knowing He is holding your hand in it all.

Looking forward In His footsteps

Steph

Answers to prayer

2009-11-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

So, I have a new friend at work. It's so nice to have someone to talk to and to joke around with now. We get along really well and our humor is so much the same. I am starting to get along with my boss that I have been having problems with at work. This week has been really good.

I have been praying for these things and I know that others have been praying for me as well. For God to bring me a new friend at work that I can be myself with. Being in a lawyer's office with a bunch of people who can be rather "stuffy" gets frustrating at times. Can't joke around, can't be too loud, and don't think too loud either. It is very hard to be "me" in a lawyer's office. Especially, MY crazy personality. As people have gotten to know me and my crazy ways, they just shake their head and laugh. So, it was nice when this girl and I started talking with each other. We could reeeelaaax with each other and she told me the same thing. Someone besides GEORGE understands me! LOL!

Sunday night I was praying that God would really change my heart so that my boss and I would get along better. I knew that I wasn't really giving my full heart to change. How could I expect it to change if I wasn't giving my full heart to Him to change the situation. So, I gave it all fully and completely over to Him. I went into work Monday morning and it was different. My boss started talking to me again. There was a lightness once again that hadn't been there for over a month and I knew at that moment that God heard my prayer the night before. What an amazing God that he heard my hurts that I am having a hard time with. He knew it hurt but He wanted my full heart so that I could see His hand in it. In the midst of it all, He brings me a friend at work. One that is struggling just like I am with being herself with others around her.

Then I get to thinking that I might mess it up. Something has got to be wrong with this picture, right? I mean, it's all a good thing so something must be wrong. Why do we think that way? I just want to take it for what it is and I thank God for the blessings He gave me. Keeping my head up knowing He thought of me and I can breathe a little again. His child is laughing at work again.

Blessed in His footsteps,
Steph

Everlasting to everlasting

2009-11-01T20:51:00.000-08:00

I feel low today. I feel after being in church today, and already having a sense of this, realizing how much God has given and continues to give me each and every day. I don't give Him nearly as much as He gave of Himself to me and continues to give of Himself to me. How undeserving I am of it and yet still does it. Why? Because He loves me.

So many things take me away from Him, especially when I am struggling with something I don't understand. In the moment, you see it as relief but in reality what you are doing is avoiding the truth. The truth of what you need to do for yourself and Truth of what God wants you to do. So many times I would go for a beer or two or three to take away any feelings I didn't want to feel. Avoiding the issue at hand. I could hear God in the background but the taste, the refreshing feeling and the quench that I got from the beer seemed so good. Shhh!

Did it satisfy...for the moment...ultimately No

Did it give me everything I needed....No

Did I feel better...No

Now I don't drink that beer, even though at times it does try to call me away but now, it is more in watching tv or something that can keep me doing something that is useless. He pulls me over to Him. I shrug and go lay on the couch. I know how it hurts when a friend has intentionally done that to me, how much more He must hurt when I do that to Him. When I don't always give Him my full heart and how He must know there is so much more.

Romans 5:5

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

He pours out love every day,

every hour, every minute and every second.

Neverending.

Everlasting to everlasting.

Amazing love

My hands and face up to Him...show me your love, Lord. Such amazing love He has for you and me.

Going back to Him in His foosteps

Steph

Prayer...again

2009-10-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am back! I am back! I know, you missed me, didn't you? haha! I have been reading a new book by Donna Partow called "Becoming a Vessel God Can Use". I know, such big words for me but I am learning. Shhh!

I read this the other night and I had to read it again tonight. I think this is something I am going to try out in my prayers but check this out.

"God not only speaks to us thorugh his Word, he can also speak through us, through his Word. How? By turning Scripture into prayer. Every crisis known to humankind boils down to two simple questions: Is God in control? Does God love us? (this seems too simple to me.ha!) If God is in control and he loves us, then there are no crises (WHAT?), only circumstances sent by a loving God to bring us closer to Himself (just what I have been saying all along. uh huh!) By praying Scripture, we can communicate that in a loving way to the people around us. We can be a vessel through which God can speak very directly."

I know some people do this where they are able to take Scripture and turn it into a prayer. Easy for them but I haven't ever seemed to have the ability to do this. I doubt myself and think I am incapable of being able to turn a verse into a prayer to God or I think that the prayer is going to sound stupid. That may sound silly to you but that is what I think. So, I am going to try to put my fears aside and allow myself to do this. To hear God and see how He works through His God-breathed Word in me.

Lord, I pray that I may stand like the tree that is planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither. May all that I do be prospering for You.

Ps. 1:3

We are but God's vessels and are molded and shaped in HIS perfection, not ours. He smooths out the roughness and the edges for His delight and we will shine for Him.

How will it work out? How long will I last? Hang on and lets see how God works in the days ahead. Be warned...I could be praying for YOU!

In His footsteps
Steph

Laughter at work...haha!

2009-10-20T22:52:00.000-07:00

You ever wander through life wondering what do I do and where do I go? Never sure exactly what that one thing is that makes us happy. That one thing that we have been chosen for to do. What is my job here? So often I have wondered this myself? What is my job? What is it that I do that I enjoy the most?

Somebody asked me how work was going tonight and that I would one day find that job that I would be happy at. I am not so sure I will ever BE at the job that I will be happy at. Sounds weird, I know. Shhh! Some people have a job they are happy with and others don't but it is not that God intends for them to be miserable there. Just that God may have a different purpose for me there. To grow through the things He wants me to grow through with Him plus reflect that to others who are there. Showing the kind spirit of God to others through me (well, most of the time. haha!). I am surely not perfect so that spirit is not always easy but God is working on me so that I can be that person that reflects it to others.

I enjoy seeing people laugh and smile. Giving them a hard time about almost anything, even if it is at my own expense (haha!). You don't get paid for that. That is within my soul. I realize tonight that this is what God has given me for others. Even if I am at work, I can walk away from that part that at my desk which holds me back from fully being myself. The voice behind you saying it is not right. I can go make someone laugh because I told them that when they were hired, they were to pay me .60 cents a day so I could get a diet coke. They laughed pretty hard and it made me smile just as well. I could go back knowing the laughter the both of us just got and it makes me smile.

1 Peter 1:17b-19

live your lives as strangers here in reverant fear. For you know that it as not with

perishable things such as

silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty

way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb

without blemish or defect.

What did God give you within that makes you smile?

Growing in His footsteps
Steph

Blessings...

2009-10-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

How precious are the friendships that God gives us along our way in life.

To encourage each other, to laugh with each other, cry on each other's shoulders and tell each other stupid "stuff" that is so important to us.

At times, when you think you are all alone, but then God sends you a smile with a simple phone call or an email from a friend letting you know that she was just thinking of you. There's those silly names (or maybe I am the only one getting called names. haha!) that you call each other and only the two of you know what they mean and where they came from. Sometimes even to sing a silly song just to get you to smile.

Laughing over the times gone by because they were so embarrassing at the moment. You ever made a fool out of YOURself trying to kill a bug in the middle of the night on a weekend getaway with a friend? Ok....good, me neither (ahem!). Hope you never do. LOL!

I have wondered at times what in the heck God was doing by putting certain people in my life and I still wonder about some but others I now know God uses them to build us for Him and each other. It brings joy to my heart knowing He thinks of me that much that He puts these friends in my life. Knowing that I can be an encouragement to someone else and she is to me as well. Reminding each other how beautiful and valuable we are to God and how He never stops loving us even when we took a little detour in the road of life.

I realize today how grateful I am to God for the friends I have and how blessed I am. I am a better person for the friendships He has given me and a better servant looking to Him through them with Him.

God never, ever intended for us to be alone. May you be blessed in the friendships you have today and the ones that will come.

In His big footsteps

Steph

Get in, be quiet...

2009-10-14T22:37:00.000-07:00

You ever been so exhausted you kind of start losing your mind? I keep losing things that seem to be right where they should be. After I spent time worrying about where I lost the items, they were right where I left them. The only thing I lost was the time and the sanity over trying to find it and feeling I lost it. Lost $10...nope, it was at home. Didn't have my glasses, thought I left them at work. Nope, in the car. AHHHHH!

There is this license plate frame here that says "Get in, be quiet, and hold on". Feel like that is what is going on right now. Like maybe God told me get in to this part of the highway, be quiet, and hold on. I have everything so QUIT worrying about everything outside of the car. But God..."Shhh". How do I keep my focus forward on what You have for me through this when I feel my feet slipping into the sand beneath me. I want to grab at what I think is Your rope pulling me up but ends up being the branch of frustration.

Revive my soul O Lord

making wise the simple.

The sword of your Word

grab my thoughts and not let go.

Let it give me strength in knowing
You are with me and I can trust in You.

One footstep at a time
Steph

Longing for Him

2009-10-08T13:43:00.000-07:00

"For when all is said and done, there is only this to say: No matter how sweet the event, how consoling the moment, there is always a deep longing within us that cuts like a knife. It is a yearning that stirs even when for (or perhaps most often when) the stir is flooded with sunshine and the sky dazzles us with color and light. Then this unutterable loneliness that we feel is in no way justified. Yet in the midst of our gratitude for the beauty of created things, we know in our very bones that there is something yet to be given. The emptiness is the mark and reminder of God. By this sense of what is not, we know what is and what is yet to come." by Nicole Johnson, Fresh Brewed Life

I haven't been able to get this out of my mind since I read this a few days ago. We all have longings. It seems like some longings don't ever go away. At many times, I have had longings besides God such as drinking, drugs, etc., which I filled but ultimately it didn't fill it. Longing to be there for your child when she is hurting. Longing to be accepted when you don't know a single person in the room. Then there is the never-ending longing for love. I think no matter how you look at it, we all long to feel loved whether we admit it or not. Single, married, divorced, whatever...we have an unsatiable need to feel loved. We can even be loved by many people but still have a great longing for it.

God put this desire in each of us. Wanting to know who I am, why am I here, and howcome my butt never looks good in these pants. Why did He do such a thing? So that we quit spinning our wheels and just look to Him for all those answers. He created us with the desire to know Him through His love to know His love.

I never realized just how much God has given us when we seek in His Word to each one of the things we are searching for. He supplies all our needs where everything else is temporary. I may not like the way my butt looks at the moment but He created me just the way I am for a purpose. He takes away the layers of stubborness of "I can't, to I think I can, to I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Why am I here? Lean on me and I will direct your paths. But Lord..."Shhh!"

My longing for the love of the Lord is always at the forefront and it is frustrating because I don't have a feeling of it being filled but it comforts me to know that He blesses us through those longings. I get down because I wonder "will it ever go away?" I doubt it! It now encourages me to know it may not ever go away because it keeps me going to know deeper of who He is

In His footsteps
Stephanie

Fallen

2009-10-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

I have fallen and I think I can't get up. Funny how a few words said to me can take me down into a hole and leave me sitting there motionless. I sit dazed thinking the enemy just took me down in one swoop and he still lurks by. He breathes his words in front of me and in back of me so that I can't see the truth. He can even take the truth and use it against me. The truth of knowing that I was standing firm in God's ways and I allowed Satan to get to me so quickly. How does a child of God do that?

"Just settle yourself down" can be so harmless but yet get me down to feeling worthless and defeated. Realizing now that Satan is in every aspect of every thing we do so he may catch us off guard for that one moment to take me down into the hole of despair and my eyes off of God. Satan even uses the people in our lives who mean no harm. May even be someone who "believes" in God so they can distort our thoughts of the Truth. Standing on the rock of His foundation but the mindless words Satan uses are as mighty as the Santa Ana winds causing me to stumble off. The belief of who I am in God and how He sees me and loves me with all my imperfections.

Acts 20:30
Even from your own number, men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them.

Then after some time I feel a nudge "Shhh! Get back up! I never said it was going to be easy." He calls me back in letting me know I am still ok. Even in the times of being strong, there are going to be setbacks. The enemy comes like a thief and takes us when we are least expecting it but he cannot get the child that is eternally in God's hands. How blessed we are!

In His footsteps
Stephanie

Prayer

2009-09-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

God is showing me more and more things about prayer. The more I pray and call out to Him, the more I can see His work in my life and desire Him more deeply within. I realize how great He is and the wondrous things He does for us in our good times and our bad times. How He strengthens me, cares for all our needs and guides us in His ways so we may experience His peace. That increases my faith and I do not want to go without talking with Him and seeing and feeling His touch in my life.

I just wanted to share this from the book I am reading. The last part of the book. No more Elizabeth George to share with you. Don't get upset, there will be another book. hehe!

When you step out and pray you guard your mind from thinking unhealthy thoughts.
When you step out and pray you're producing the cure for all your anxiety.
When you step out and pray you're acknowledging your dependence on the all-powerful God and His resources.

When you step out and pray you're being obedient to the Lord's commands.

When you step out and pray you're ready to experience the peace of God that passes all understanding.
When you step out and pray you can be sure you're on God's path through your trial!

Praying through your trials and adversity forces your roots deeper into the fertile soil of God's love and provision. That's because prayer is the way to ask God for His strength so you can withstand the storms life enevitably brings. Trials are painful, exhausting, burdensome, and bothersome (to say the least). At times you won't be sure you can carry on (isn't that for sure!). But it is during these dark times that true faith shines the brightest. Believe Jesus' promise that He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). Take courage, child of the King! And remember, you are God's child.

May we not forget that He does listen when we call to Him.

Stepping out in His footsteps

Steph

Worry? Me?

2009-09-27T23:16:00.000-07:00

Phillipians 4:6

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

Be anxious for nothing? Nothing? In everything by prayer and supplication. Everything? LOL! Ok, so I am not so good at this. I think I am probably one of the biggest worriers. Shhh! I go round and round with the worry but I realize that my focus is not on God anymore but on my own self and my own frustration of the situation I am dealing with. Thinking of the other person and how frustrating the whole situation is and how they are irritating me or what they are doing or not doing. Hello! Is that what God wants?

In the words of Elizabeth George (she's kind of smart), instead of worrying and being anxious, we are to do something positive by praying. I worry about trying to understand and figuring out what I need to do but God gives us the answer already. Be anxious for nothing but in everything be Praying! The way to worry about nothing is to be praying about everything. He supplies you with complete peace of mind and heart (phil 4:7). If your care is too small to be turned over to God in prayer, that care is too small to worry about.

So, all I need to do is pray. Sounds simple. I realize that this is something that gets overlooked. My focus gets taken off of Him. I think I have it handled and there it is right in front of me again. What happened? I was not praying. I thought I had it. That's the problem, I thought I had it. Not allowing God to have it.

Once again, God does not give you anything more than what you can handle and when you have temptations He provides a way out. Those temptations could be the simple irritation that could draw me away from focusing on God. He provides a way from those temptations and that is by praying to Him. I am going to challenge myself to pray to Him with ALL things, especially when the thoughts come reeling in to call out to God and ask Him to put my focus back on Him. To stretch myself more and bring a closer relationship with God. I don't know how strong I will be or consistent but know this needs to be more fervently done.

Praying in His footsteps

Stephanie

God's Perfect Knowledge

2009-09-24T22:17:00.000-07:00

I read this story this morning and I forgot that I marked it to reread tonight. duh! Anyway, wanted to share it because it is such an innocent story but with such truth to it.

Another from Elizabeth George.
A saint of another era wrote of a customer in a shop where a small boy stood with outstretched arms while the owner placed package after package from the shelves into the boy's waiting arms. As the pile grew higher and higher and the weight increased, the customer could stand it no longer. He remarked to the boy, "My lad, you'll never be able to carry all that!" Turning around the boy replied with a smile, "My father knows how much I can carry."
Such assurance and trust! Just think, your heavenly Father knows exactly how much you can carry!

This little boy had all faith knowing that his father would not give him more than he could handle. Where does my faith go sometimes? All the things that get blown out of proportion in my head and I think I can't handle it but He knows waaaaay ahead of me that I can handle it or else He would not be directing me the way I am going.

Lately, I have seen him put things to rest in my life and others after conjuring up the situation to be worse than it really is. How do I know this, what if I do this, what are they going to do if this, why do they keep doing that and if I do that are they going to be mad at me? Ye of little faith, reach your hand out to mine and let me walk with you. When I do, the peace is there and I know we have just taken a step together.

Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore, I hope in Him. Lam 3:22-24

Thank goodness I can put my head down on the pillow at night and wake up to know that He is so faithful to me and are new each day.

In His Footsteps
Stephanie

Finding God's Path

2009-09-22T22:08:00.000-07:00

All day today I have had this stirring inside me to write but I don't know why or what. Maybe to express that I am human and still have not shaken the fact that I cannot perfect myself through yet another personality trial at work. I thought I had left this behind at my last job. Now, yet again?!

Then, I was reading a book by Elizabeth George, Finding God's Path Through Your Trials. She so eloquently but bluntly says God is going to give us trials and they are not going to let up. eh! But she says that no believer is exempt from trials and no trial is unique. So, that in itself is encouraging because we are not the only ones that have gone through this trial. Maybe different circumstances but the same frustration. Nor is it a trial that God, himself, has not gone through and knows what we are feeling.

I realize I have stood still in my relationship with Him trying to figure out which way to go or what to do. Hearing my own voice inside just wanting a way out of the situation and not walking the path of wisdom with Him. I didn't want to admit to Him that I am back here again feeling defeated. He gives me others in my life to be able to relate to and understand the trial with so I can grow in His strength and wisdom. The circumstance may be different but the feeling is the same.

Then, He opens my eyes in His Word and shows me these verses:

Ecclesiastes 1:8-9
All things are wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing nor the ear its fill of hearing.
What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.

There is nothing new under the sun to Him and He just wants us to come to Him sharing the frustration of the day. He comforts us in whatever we are dealing with in life, friends or co-workers. His Word is a light unto my path.

In His footsteps
Stephanie

Smile

2009-09-19T15:01:00.000-07:00

Realizing again, when I take a moment, I can do what I had given up when I thought I couldn't do it. I learn from You, Lord, in not giving up.

THIS is the little thing that puts a smile on my face because I fought through the voice telling me to give up. Yeah!

In His footsteps
Stephanie

My All in All

2009-09-18T22:24:00.000-07:00

It could've been so easy to let the moment take me down with frustration in the day. Instead I remembered to just breathe. When others looked at me like I am from another planet as I try so hard to explain something.

Paul says "when I am weak, then I am strong". God fills my cup and gives me strength. As I spoke with a friend today, He filled me when I had no words nor the full heart to speak. It was not me but indeed, Him, who was in me.

How sweet the feeling of knowing that it was Him working in my life.
In His footsteps
Stephanie

....Words to say

2009-09-18T07:21:00.001-07:00

How do you communicate with someone when you don't have the right words to say? When they mix up all that you said in their own mind? I heard this song last night which sounded familiar in that my mind wanders away from where I am and miss the voice that I am to hear. I so not want to be there trying to make someone else understand me but it's not me they are to see but the One who speaks through me. May I not be stuck in the moment of frustration but allow Him to speak to me.

"Quiet my Heart"
by Brooke Barrettsmith from the album Brooke Barrettsmith

My mind wanders away
Dreaming of where I could be on another day
I'm always so far ahead
I seem to miss the one that I'm in
And I regret the time I lost
Slow me down before it's gone

Right here in the moment I'm given
I'll treasure the breath that I breathe in
And I'll rest in You
You quiet my heart
Somehow every second that's passing
Is filled so much meaning
As I wait here with You
Quiet my heart

I get stuck in between
Yesterday and all that tomorrow brings
When all that You want from me
Is that I come and sit at your feet
And know that You are God
And with You no time is lost

Don't let me run away
Show me why I should stay
Open my eyes to take in Your beauty
Keep me here in this place
Take me in Your embrace
There's no place I'd rather be than right now.

In His footsteps
Stephanie

The Lord is with me

2009-09-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. Other than a little migraine and some weird numbness going on, today was an overall good day. I come home and a wave of hopelessness hits me. Why does this happen? Why can't it go smoothly and my mind just keep on the right track in thinking of the peace that God has been giving me over the past few days? The utter sense of Him being with me that covered me on Sunday warming my soul. My body now cries out within me and says "why am I here, Lord?".

You are a great and mighty God,

You know me inside and out.

You chose me before the creation of this world.

You knew all my thoughts and the battles of good and evil.

You are always with me.

I am never alone.

May the thoughts that wage within me

Hear the small still voice of your whisper saying "I am here".

Lift my eyes to You as the tears of my heartache are brushed away by your loving touch.

I know this hopelessness that seems to come over me is the thorn in my side You have set in me that reminds me of You.

In His footsteps

Stephanie

Jonah

2009-09-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

So, I read the book of Jonah this morning. Funny, the book practically starts off with Jonah running from the Lord because he doesn't want to hear what God wants him to do. Turns the other direction and goes off on a big ship bound for "far away from God". Like a little child thinking he is going to get away as he hides behind the lamp from his parent. No, I am not here. You don't seeeeee me. haha!

How often I do that myself whether I recognize it or not. What? Come on over here and spend time with You? Learn what you have to say to me so I can know how to handle the issues coming up at work? But Lord, why can't you just make HER change what she is doing? She's the one who's not doing what is right. Why do I have to do all the work? Ew! That sounded like whining. Just like what Jonah did. I don't want to do it because you are just going to do what you want in being kind and compassionate to them when they don't even deserve it. Oi'!

Makes me cringe knowing that I do those things but yet makes me smile knowing that He loves me and continues to be the compassionate, loving God that He is. Even when I do something a little different than what He wants.

In His footsteps

Stephanie

too sensitive

2009-09-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

I have struggled with these words a good portion of my life. I am too emotional. I fight with them from inside my own inner thoughts and from other people.

I was joking around with a friend from where I used to work. We always joke around but sometimes it is at that point of "that doesn't feel like a joke" anymore. After saying something she said "you think you're funny but you're really not". Wow! That kind of hurt. The whole conversation from the time we started chatting was rather odd in that she was bolder than she normally was. When I got that, I knew it was time to back off. Then she wondered what was wrong and told me that I was tired and I needed to go to bed.

If I hurt you, I never ever intentionally mean to and when someone doesn't want me to joke, I always respect that and don't continue. I asked if I had offended her and she told me "no". I asked the next day about it and was told that I was being too sensitive. Really? Is that too sensitive or is it that I feel someone being rude in their reaction to me? If I am too sensitive it is because I care and what I heard is that what I said was offensive so please don't do that again but in a rude way.

Yes, I may be too sensitive but I think God made me this way for a reason. Maybe to respect people for who they are but also to respect me. If I were not sensitive then I would not have friendships and be able to relate to people with love and concern. God breaks my walls down for a reason and that may be to be more sensitive when it was not there before. Maybe I am a little more sensitive than others but God is not finished with making me who I am through Him.

John 15:1-2

I am the vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch that bears no fruit while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

Show me, listen with me and walk beside me. He will never leave you or forsake you. I went to church this morning and remembered how much I mean to HIM. My emotions sensitive in hearing Him and all.

In His footsteps

Stephanie