Monday, November 29, 2010


Come back to Him...

          Let Him open your heart again...

Come and talk to me, Oh my dear child,

          Oh, how I love you.

How could I Lord, look at how I willingly stayed away?

           You are my child, I love you

Why do you do this for me, Lord?

            You are my child, I love you

I know all about your struggles and I still want you.

             Come and be with me.

Returning into His footsteps

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Something is on its way...

Something deep and philosophical...

But how to put it all into words...I don't know

I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, God put this so clearly on my heart to share and tell of His goodness but my mind goes blank when trying to express what I want to say.

Even when all that is out there seems to hurt you day in and day out, that hurt can never get to the core of who you are. The deepness of your soul.

THAT is where God is and we know that no one can ever hurt that part of you.

to be continued...

Monday, August 23, 2010

God not me...

So I did something silly a while back and co-signed on a car loan for a friend. I like to help people but sometimes, even though I don't trust people, I like to think that I can trust and it will be alright. This didn't end up being alright BUUUUUT I live and learn and know not to do that again.

A short time after getting the loan she became delinquent on her payments. When she goes delinquent, it not only reflects on her credit but also on my credit. I was in such good standing with my credit and now it has really gone down and continues to because she is delinquent again. I kind of let it go and realize that this is not in my hands. If I should need anything, God will provide and a credit score will not be the ultimate determination if it is something that I really need.

So the other day I receive a text message from her wanting to know if she could ask me something. Uhh...well that's a loaded question. away! Now, mind you, she is currently delinquent 2 payments on the car loan and getting caught up with it. She wanted to know if I would co-sign on a $2,000 loan for her as she was needing some sort of surgery. She spent the rest of her money fixing her son's car. Uhhhh....what? I think we have a bad connection. You owe money from the loan I co-signed for and now you want me to co-sign for another loan? LOLOLOLOL! I was in shock and disbelief that she would ask me this. After calming down a bit, I talked to somebody who told me how to respond. So I did tell her no and that due to the delinquencies from the car loan, I doubt I would qualify to help her at this time even if I wanted to. She apologized for the late payment situation and understood. I decided to then ask her what the surgery was for. This is the kicker of it all. I know, I know, you would think that it was causing my credit to be bad, huh? Nope! Maybe that she would ask me to co-sign for a loan knowing that she is delinquent now? Nope! She wanted the money in order to get a boob job. I thought I was going to come unglued.

I don't tell you this as to make her a bad person. I am saying this because God turned this around. My frustration and my confoundedness was not shown but He confirmed to her what was right. I told her that she is silly for getting a boob job as she is fine just the way she is. Of course, most people are fine compared to me and are silly for wanting to get a boob job. haha! After I asked her if her boyfriend had the money and he said he didn't, (taking a big risk) I told her that it seemed it wasn't in God's plan for her to get a boob job. It was to her realization and confirmation that it was not His will for her to be doing this. Her reply was "no Steph, don't say that because I do believe you're right. It's not His will". So I finished it off and replied, "well, I don't think I would want to go against what God's will is for you then". She then thanked me.

God turned around something that could have gone so wrong with my words and what my thoughts were but He gave me the discernment of what to say and in a way that didn't make this a bad situation. Believe me, I did not want to be polite to her. I know I could have let all my politeness go and ask her what the heck she is thinking by going off and doing this when she in no way can afford to do so. Then, to see that my words  made her realize, that to proceed with what she would do, would not be part of God's will amazed me. It was not me. He guided me the whole way, my thoughts, and my words that came out of my mouth. This would not have come out so nicely without Him in my thoughts. Then to have her thank me was really a topper.

I can always see how He works in the lives of others but I don't know when it comes to me. How awesome to see Him work through me and afterward know that it wasn't me but Him. It was a blessing for me. I don't know that she will continue this way but I know, at that moment, He used me to talk to her and it was a blessing. Remember, He is the one guiding us.

Thanking Him in the footsteps that He leads me.

p.s. yep, that's it! that's all it is. haha!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Share time

I am not one that can always come up with something to share but I was reading something and wanted to share this with you as it can be such a pull in our lives at times.

Indwelling sin doesn't observe a sabbath. Just when Paul was ready to do something holy and loving, sin was at his elbow (Romans 7:21). Sin isn't just a permanent houseguest; it's a meddlesome wretch. It's always poking its nose in, looking over your shoulder, whispering in your ear.
Do you want to pray? Listen to a sermon? Meditate on the Word? Give a generous gift to the Kingdom? Encourage a brother? Resist temptation? This hateful, wicked pest is in your face with a thousand distractions and surprises making sure you can't perfectly accomplish the good you intend (verse 18; Gal. 5:17). It exasperates us.

Sin does its dirty work with the greatest of ease. Since it works from within, it "easily entangles" us (Hebrews 12:1). It needs no help from the outside (though the world and the Devil are always ready to lend a hand). There is no spiritual duty, nothing godly you can set yourself to, in which you won't feel the wind of sin's resistance in your face. Does God command you to believe he is good and wise when you lose a friend? Indwelling sin sidles up with seeds of doubt and mistrust. Does God command you to help a neighbor in need? There is sin with apathy and stinginess in hand. Does God want you to long for the coming of Christ? Here is sin dangling before your eyes the trinkets of the world.

The more you discover the power of indwelling sin, the less you will suffer its effects.

I think this reminds me so much of the struggle of the doubt I have and maybe others may have. That voice that is constantly nagging telling me different things about myself. About others. They don't like you. They don't care. She doesn't care and they don't want to do anything with you. Not good enough. It just wants to keep you in that spot so that you can't stretch. See what the Truth is. The hateful wicked pest is in your face and doesn't want to let you breathe. Be who you are and shine for the One who loves you through and through.  Today, I see how this has entrapped me this past week. I discover the power of it and its effects that I can suffer. Today, I breathe a new breath in seeing Truth.

Remember He promises His presence to you at all times and He gives us His holy spirit to guide us. So easy to forget but such assurance knowing this.

Now let Your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me. Surround me with your tender mercies so I may live, for you law is my delight.

step by step

Monday, May 31, 2010

Mist so refreshing

My eyes are opening...

Galatians 5:1

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Its been a journey over the last 6 months or so since I have fallen from my way of being in His guidance. The struggle of fighting the flesh back and forth. Wanting what is right, yet the urges of my own desires haunting me and following me close by trying to win me over. Logic coming in and making sense of what doesn't make sense. Whispering to me..."it's ok to do what you're doing. It's only bad because they don't understand." Mixed up by the actual truth! Confused by seduction of understanding of someone not of God. God was showing me but I was unable to see Him behind the fog.


The fog is becoming mist which is dissipating. The mist hitting my face refreshing me and bringing me back to the love God has for me. The mist being like verses and subtle blessings of love from others. To see and understand the sin behind all that happened. To see what had been pressing me down and keeping me a slave to something other than Him. God, in His infinite wisdom, never let me go and He knew it. Instead, allowed me to see things slowly. Letting me feel the pain so I could see Him more.

The more I walk through this, I see the hurt from the other side. Who the other person is really like apart from God. The emptiness and loneliness that is there and unable to fulfill. Something so real in my own life  that I am oh so able to relate to. God reaching down to remind me to still love her but be consumed by Him. Show her MY love through you. It hurts but I am here.

I turn around to be able to see that I can bless Him. Bless His Name for all that He is showing me and giving me. It IS a blessing because He reminded me of where I have been with my emptiness and the love that I couldn't feel but now feel with Him in my life. The easy sway of what takes me away from Him and seeing the seductor of Satan.

One footstep at a time

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Peace in You

Oh the hurts that come from those that are so close yet feel so far away. Tears roll down my face and I feel overwhelmed by the pain and conflicting thoughts that don't seem to be Yours. The pain that wants to suck me in. Amazing love. Lift my chin up to see You and I may bless You on the road that feels so narrow and alone. The knowledge of your peace in letting go makes my heart pound with urgency.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

Take me in so that I may see thy lovely face and praise thee evermore. Singing all the more as the days go by. You alone are God who will comfort all those who are heavy in heart.


Saturday, January 2, 2010

Lost love in God..

Here I am today feeling so lost with where I am with God. As I was talking with someone earlier, it is like the switch has been turned to "off" and everything is hard to get back on again. Now it's like I am in the dark looking for that switch to turn back on but I can't find it. Now it's been exchanged for a dimmer switch and it seems to gradually come back on. I know it was my doing that got me off the trail of God's ways but how I want so much to have that desire to see things as before.

I write this as a way to get out what hides within me. Hoping as to not be judged too harshly.


What is this?
People pass you by and say "hello" but do they really care?
Words that are so powerful to one but yet so empty by another. Words with really no meaning but can be out of obligation.
Do they really see you?
The pain and the hunger for love which burns inside my soul.

Love is from God...
God is love...

I stand here reaching out. Can you hear me?
Don't talk to me out of duty? That you feel that's what you have to do. You will only hurt me more.
Love is genuine which should not be flippant. So why do those act as if they love yet turn their backs from you?
Stand with you? Be with you forever? How do you do that by turning your back on me? I give to you from all my heart with no expectations.
May you give in love. Genuine love. Puts that smile on my face and warmth to my heart.

I fight this fight within my head struggling with this issue of trust with people and God. It drives me crazy that I can't just let it go and put my trust fully in God. To see that things aren't all untrustworthy and not meaning harm.

I read this a little while ago...
Oftentimes in our battle to trust we have to wrestle with the deepest, darkest, worst fears. We must wrestle them to the ground, and then we trust. If you can wrestle that fear to the ground and know that God is still there in the quietness of the dark, then you are on your way to trusting on a whole new level.
by Nicole Johnson

This is what I am looking forward to. As I wrestle with these deepest, darkest and worst fears to the ground, I want to know that God is still there in the quietness of the dark.

Finding His Footsteps