It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Its been a journey over the last 6 months or so since I have fallen from my way of being in His guidance. The struggle of fighting the flesh back and forth. Wanting what is right, yet the urges of my own desires haunting me and following me close by trying to win me over. Logic coming in and making sense of what doesn't make sense. Whispering to me..."it's ok to do what you're doing. It's only bad because they don't understand." Mixed up by the actual truth! Confused by seduction of understanding of someone not of God. God was showing me but I was unable to see Him behind the fog.
I AM HE
The fog is becoming mist which is dissipating. The mist hitting my face refreshing me and bringing me back to the love God has for me. The mist being like verses and subtle blessings of love from others. To see and understand the sin behind all that happened. To see what had been pressing me down and keeping me a slave to something other than Him. God, in His infinite wisdom, never let me go and He knew it. Instead, allowed me to see things slowly. Letting me feel the pain so I could see Him more.
The more I walk through this, I see the hurt from the other side. Who the other person is really like apart from God. The emptiness and loneliness that is there and unable to fulfill. Something so real in my own life that I am oh so able to relate to. God reaching down to remind me to still love her but be consumed by Him. Show her MY love through you. It hurts but I am here.
RAIN DOWN ON ME
I turn around to be able to see that I can bless Him. Bless His Name for all that He is showing me and giving me. It IS a blessing because He reminded me of where I have been with my emptiness and the love that I couldn't feel but now feel with Him in my life. The easy sway of what takes me away from Him and seeing the seductor of Satan.
Oh the hurts that come from those that are so close yet feel so far away. Tears roll down my face and I feel overwhelmed by the pain and conflicting thoughts that don't seem to be Yours. The pain that wants to suck me in. Amazing love. Lift my chin up to see You and I may bless You on the road that feels so narrow and alone. The knowledge of your peace in letting go makes my heart pound with urgency.
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.
Take me in so that I may see thy lovely face and praise thee evermore. Singing all the more as the days go by. You alone are God who will comfort all those who are heavy in heart.
Something I learn more and more of each day. I am a person with a big heart and cares a lot (too much sometimes). Has a heart for wanting to learn more of God who love me so much that I don't understand it and want to be able to give that love to others. God has been so patient with me and all the craziness I have put Him through. May I be there for someone else in the same way.